


The Many Inconveniences of Sex

by KaiTorres



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:49:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiTorres/pseuds/KaiTorres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sex is an act between a man and his wife, or so Erwin thought. Spoiler warning for Chapter 69.</p><p>Based on the SNK kinkmeme prompt: https://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/19979.html?thread=10047755#cmt10047755</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Many Inconveniences of Sex

Erwin associates sex with a family, a man and his wife consummating their marriage in order to have children. He thinks of sex as the duty of a husband to a wife, and it was easy to think less of it when he lets go of Marie and chooses the life of a soldier in the Survey Corps.

Sex was easy to forget for Erwin, because sex was a duty for a husband and he was not a husband. He was a soldier. As a Commander, he had plenty of duties to plenty of people, none of which involved sex. It fell from his mind without him noticing, as he began a plot of Titans, the royal family, and the future of humanity.

Sex to Levi was violence and disease. He grew up knowing what his mother did for a living. After all, he had no room of his own in the brothel. He only stayed outside, within hearing range of his mother's room as she serviced men after men after men. He cleaned her after every client with a rough washcloth. She always lets him, had stopped being ashamed of him seeing her body years ago. She died of a disease, he knew, given to her by some client. He had stopped eating when she started dramatically losing weight, he gave all of his portions to her. If only one of them could live, he thought, it should be his mother. But the disease was stronger than both of them. 

Sex to Levi consisted of bruises and blood. Sex sounded just like the screaming of men when Kenny took him from the brothel and pitted him against the scum of the underground with a knife in his hand.

The first time they met, they had just finished racing through the air, and Erwin had violently propositioned Levi to join the Survey Corps. The air between them then was loaded, and the tension never petered out since. Levi's rage for Erwin turned into deep trust, jumping from one end of the spectrum to the other. And Erwin's leap of faith for Levi turned into hope, growing ever stronger.

\---

Mike has always been privy to the sexual relations of the soldiers in the Corps. It's not that he wants to know; his sense of smell has always been strong and sex has a tendency to reek.

It was very easy to spot the change too. Erwin had two smells--clean with a faint scent of soap during days within the Wall, and sweat-drenched, and musky, smelling faintly of the Earth during expeditions when drinking water is a precious resource not to be spent on baths. Not too long after Levi pledges his loyalty, Mike notices a third smell on Erwin--musk, cum, blood. It didn't take him long to find the person with a similar scent. 

Levi and Erwin, the concept was strange to Mike, even though he wasn't in the habit of questioning Erwin's decisions.

\---

That first time they fucked, Levi had been jacking off the only way he knew how. Picturing absolutely nothing and focusing on the pleasure of his hand on his dick. He always came quickly and violently, rushing through the deed, afraid that memories of living in the brothel would slip into his mind. He needed his release but he couldn't do it with anyone else. Sex with another person took too long, and in the underground, it was also a commodity. He just couldn't walk into a brothel to have his dick serviced when he could do it himself without rubbing salt to his wounds.

Levi was doing it in the public baths in the dead of the night, after the soldiers had gone off to bed. Sex was dirty, and did not want to go to bed with a soiled hand and no water to wash himself with. He was seated on the floor, leaning against a wall, naked and legs spread as he touched himself, eyes closed, pumping his hand up and down, whispering obscenities as he drew closer to his orgasm.

He was focused so intensely on his pleasure that he didn't hear the footsteps approaching. He jumped when the door creaked open and in came Erwin Smith in nothing but a towel, eyes falling directly onto Levi's hand and prick.

"Well?" Levi asked. "Are you going to fucking watch?"

He had meant as a threat, as a warning to get out. Erwin took it as an invitation.

"Don't mind me," Erwin said as he removed his towel and stood in front of the tap on the opposite wall.

Levi watched Erwin's back and ass as he continued touching himself, watched as Erwin poured water over his head and it made his back muscles glisten in the dim light, made the dimples in his ass stand out even more as it caught drops of water. Levi stroked himself faster as Erwin rubbed soap over himself, groaning as Erwin reached behind him to wash his ass, one hand spreading a cheek and another scrubbing at the hole.

"Fuck, Erwin, you pigshit perv," gasped Levi as he tightened his hold on his cock. "You're fucking enjoying this, aren't you?"

Erwin didn't respond. He bent over to wash his feet and Levi came with a shout, fucking into his hand as he watched Erwin's ass, continuing to touch himself past the point of pleasure and well into pain as Erwin continued to tease him.

"Goddamn fuck you prick!" Levi accused when he finally let go of his cock. Despite his release, he felt uneasy and confused. For fuck's sake, he just jerked off to watching Erwin Smith take a bath.

Erwin washed the soap off and turned to his side to grab his towel. Levi could see him rising at half-mast, fat prick swaying as he toweled himself dry.

"Do you want me to do something about your dick?" Levi offered. It was starting to distract him. He could not seem to muster the strength to wash off before Erwin acknowledged what they just did.

"You don't have to," Erwin replied, voice uncharacteristically soft.

It made Levi rise from the floor, walk the seven steps to Erwin, and kneel in front of him, brushing aside his hand and putting Erwin's dick in his mouth.

Erwin groaned at the warmth of Levi's mouth. He lost control early on, unable to still his hips as Levi swallowed him down and choked, his dick hardening inside Levi. Levi pulled away from him, coughing and gasping for breath. Sorry was already on the tip of Erwin's tongue when Levi stood, but Erwin didn't have a chance to apologize. Grasping him by the prick, Levi had Erwin pin him against the wall. Erwin watched as Levi lifted a leg and inserted Erwin's wet dick into him, shuddering and biting his lip as he urged it into the tight ring of his hole. Erwin's sanity departed him.

Sex hurts, they both thought as Levi cried out and Erwin rammed into him. Levi was cold and panting and in pain, and he told himself that this was what sex was like. Erwin was trying to catch Levi's screams into his mouth, tries holding him and giving him pleasure and assurance because he didn't know what else to do. Erwin came pumping slowly into Levi and Levi's screams weakened into whimpers as he felt Erwin emptying into him.

When Erwin pulled out, he tried to check on Levi, but he was pushed away. Levi chose the farthest bath. Even still, Erwin noticed the trickle of blood and felt ashamed. He lingered a few seconds more, waiting for Levi to break the silence, but the message was pretty clear: get out.

Erwin took his things and left.

\---

The incident in the public baths was starting to bleed into Erwin and Levi's everyday interactions. Erwin finds himself watching Levi's ass as he walks and engages in training, and Levi finds himself aroused by the mere sight of Erwin. It's maddening for Levi because his ass hurt for two days after; he was even cursing Erwin's name whenever he took a shit. So why did he want to sneak into the fucker's room and sit on his dick?

Caught in the middle of the tension was Mike, who could smell the soft, heady arousal rising between them the longer they stood together in the same room. He was tempted to ask after it; if it was casual or more, and if it was going to affect their work in the Corps (although he trusted Erwin not to let it affect him; Levi, not so much). 

In the end, he said nothing, and the two continued to dance around each other.

\---

The second time they did it, Erwin was recuperating after an expedition. He had just finished writing letters of condolences. He felt the weight of the dead members' lost souls on his shoulders. 

Levi had helped him into bed that night; he had been thrown from his horse and had fallen badly on his back so walking was not an easy task. The doctor assured him that he would recover, but he should avoid strenuous activities for a while.

Levi removed his boots for him, unbuttoned his shirt, his pants.

"You don't have to," Erwin said. Dimly, he remembered saying the same thing that night.

"I know that," Levi said as he continued to undress Erwin. "I just can't stand you sleeping in your own filth."

Erwin was down to his boxers and slightly aroused when Levi took his clothes to fold them. He felt the tension clearly, but had no inclination to do anything. Sex was a duty and he was not Levi's husband. That first time was a mistake, some animal instinct that lit up inside him upon watching another human being pleasure himself. It had been so long since Erwin had some release, and he decided he would give it to himself when Levi leaves for bed.

Levi returned to his bedside with a washcloth and Erwin allowed Levi to wipe him clean, silently talking his prick down, urging it not to react.

Levi tried to clear his mind, tried not to remember the last time he cleaned another bedridden person's body. He focused on Erwin's face, his chest, the bulging white of his crotch, masculine and very much unlike his mother's. He palmed Erwin's dick through his boxers as he wiped between his thighs. Erwin moaned.

"Levi, don't."

"Shut up."

Levi finished wiping Erwin's legs. He hooked fingers onto the waistband of Erwin's shorts, pulling it down enough to expose Erwin's erection, thick and red against curls of dark blonde.

"Fuck," Levi whispered. He took Erwin's prick into his hand, jacking it fast and hard the way he took care of himself.

Erwin pumped into Levi's hand, as much as his back would allow him, face turning to moan into his pillow. He turned back when Levi let go of his cock, watched as Levi dropped his pants and straddled him, hard, hot, and heavy prick sliding against his own. He grabbed Levi's ass as Levi started rubbing against him, quick short movements of his hips that teased him but brought him no closer to release. He clamped a hand around them both, and directed the movement of Levi's hips with his other hand, setting him on a slow rhythm that made the length of their cocks drag against each other.

"Fuck Erwin!" Levi gasped as his movements grew more erratic.

Erwin tightened his grip and it made Levi fuck into his hand more. Levi came with a stifled shout, both hands hanging on to Erwin's biceps, back arched and straining. He panted Erwin's name, mixed with obscenities, as he came down from his high, pumping his cock slowly into Erwin's fist, his own come serving as lube.

Levi pulled his cock from Erwin's grip and stayed where he is as Erwin continued to touch himself, Levi's come still coating his hand. He came with a groan, looking at Levi's face, at his eyes dark with pleasure.

Sex should hurt, they both reminded themselves when Levi bent down to kiss Erwin, tentative and brief.

Back then, Erwin had been told by kids a little older than him that the woman always bleeds the first time, and it always hurts for her. Nobody ever told him what sex with a man was like, but after that first time with Levi, he figured it probably wasn't much different. Now, he didn't know what to call this. He didn't fuck Levi's ass, and Levi fucked his hand. Levi wasn't the bleeding woman in pain and he wasn't either. This thought process must have shown on his face because Levi kissed him again, with more force this time, as if to tell him to shut up.

Levi knew sex could be between two people in love. He just never experienced it. It felt like the story of winged people that children would whisper about and delight over--he could imagine it, but it wasn't real.

Kissing Erwin felt like that. Like a dream, like some fantasy he pulled from his mind, because real sex was disgusting and cruel.

It didn't feel real, but it was, and it scared him.

\---

The smell of it was driving Mike mad. It was starting to become more frequent, less tinged with blood, more fresh as if they had been fucking in a broom closet just two minutes ago. Sometimes Erwin would speak to him, and Mike would get intimately familiar with what Levi's cum smells like.

"Be careful," Mike said one day. Erwin didn't smell of cum that day, he just smelled like Levi, as if they spent an hour in bed just holding each other.

Erwin looked nonplussed. "With what?"

"That thing with you and Levi."

Erwin looked blankly at him, giving nothing away.

Mike rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that. I can smell him on you."

Erwin sighed. "Is there any way you can turn that off?"

"No."

Erwin looked determinedly at him. "I'm always careful, Mike. But thank you for your concern."

"Well, I felt like reminding you. Don't be careful just for yourself. Be careful for Levi too," Mike said. He headed for the door, and paused as a question occurred to him.

"Why do you sometimes smell like blood after being with Levi?"

Erwin's face remained blank but Mike spotted a slight twitch to his fingers. "You're not... hurting each other are you?"

"Not deliberately," Erwin confessed.

"You know, a man isn't like a woman, right?"

Erwin finally colored slightly, and it occurred to Mike that the first time he ever smelled sex on Erwin was with Levi, and it was possible that he never had sex before.

"Oh, wow," he muttered to himself. "Okay, just... get some oil from the kitchen. That should make things go a bit smoother."

Mike walked out of the office before he could think to advise Erwin any further. Knowing that Erwin and Levi were fucking was already making their relationship weird, being involved in their sex life was bound to make things even more awkward.

"Holy shit, I need a drink," Mike muttered to himself as he sought out Hange.

\---

Whenever Erwin Smith ate in the dining hall, his mind would wander to the next room, in the kitchen. He figured out, after a few minutes, what Mike was trying to tell him about the oil. Truth be told, he didn't know how a man and a woman's body differed, apart from the few things he learned in school. He didn't know if a woman required oil too, to have sex and minimize the pain of penetration. He and Levi have focused more on jerking and sucking each other off, Erwin deeply unwilling to put himself or Levi through a repeat of their first time.

It eventually falls from his mind when his tasks at hand escalate and Eren Yaeger is sent to a trial. He was a Commander first, and his duty to mankind was more important than whatever he had with Levi.

After Levi's injury, sex was the furthest thing from his mind. Levi didn't push for it either, didn't insist on more when Erwin climbed into bed with him and did nothing but hold him, mindful of his injury. 

Petra had just died. Though she never said anything, they both knew she loved Levi and would marry him in a heartbeat if he asked. Erwin had asked him before, when he first noticed her interest, if Levi liked her, and Levi said yes, as a soldier. They left it at that.

Erwin is reminded of his mortality, of Levi's mortality, how this thing between them, whatever it is, could end at any second. Today, it was Levi's leg. Tomorrow, would it be his neck? Would it be Erwin's chest, torn apart with a Titan's teeth?

Be careful, he remembered Mike saying. He held Levi closer.

Levi thinks about love, about his mother, not as a prostitute with dead eyes and failing health, but as the mother who mended patches in his clothes and stole food when he cried from hunger. The mother he remembered and loved before she lost her soul in the brothel, where she promised a lot of money and some security for Levi's schooling and future.

He felt Erwin holding him tighter, the warmth of him comforting and calming, even as Levi's mind wandered to Petra's father. He thought of the ache he felt whenever he thought of his mother, how raw the pain was when she breathed her last and he stayed in her room in denial, waiting for her to come back.

That love, he thought, it felt a little bit like this.

Sex should hurt, he thought. It took loving mothers away from their sons. So this thing with Erwin, he figured, it was more than just that.

\---

Erwin lost his arm and Mike was dead.

It all reminded him that he should never be happy in this lifetime. He owed too many lives to too many families to have the right to be happy. He tried to share this thought to Levi once, but it incited anger in him. It made Levi hold him all the more harder as if to punish him for even thinking it. It was the truth though, Erwin thought. He should pay for his sins. Whatever it was he had with Levi, he needed to set it aside. It made him too happy.

\---

Queen Historia, Levi chuckled as he thought it. He just got punched by a queen. He walked around the castle and finally found Erwin setting himself up in an old office, possibly used by a tutor to educate the children of the royal family.

"Levi," Erwin greeted. He looked much calmer than when they last saw each other at Historia's coronation, braced for an uprising that did not occur.

Levi walked to his side and tugged impatiently at his jaw, until Erwin bent down and kissed him. Levi pressed close, nibbled his bottom lip, teased his tongue. It had been too long. He remembered how Erwin told him he should burn in hell, how he didn't deserve to be happy. He wanted to smack that bullshit thought out of his head here and now. More than ever, he deserved to be happy now.

"Levi," Erwin whispered as he pulled away. "Not now."

"Don't give me that shit, we just crowned an annoying brat and made her queen. Before that we fucking blew up a Titan. I think we should celebrate with a fuck," Levi replied. He kissed Erwin hard, and pushed him back to sit on his desk.

Levi took his prick into his mouth and sucked him to full hardness. He didn't relent until Erwin came into his mouth with a shudder, cum dripping from his lips and down his chin. He wiped his face with a hand, and licked that clean, letting Erwin watch.

Levi pumped Erwin's still hard cock, teasing, "Ready to go again, old man?"

Sex should hurt, Erwin thought. It should be done with a woman. It should be done with a wife. It should be done to have children. It was a sin, otherwise. The people in his childhood drilled that into him.

He should pay for his sins, for the people who died under his command. He shouldn't be here with Levi, being happy.

He wondered if Levi could read his thoughts because Levi cupped his hands around his face and whispered, "I love you, you dumb shit. So stop beating yourself up because I can't punch you for making yourself upset."

And Erwin smiled. He couldn't let go of everything he had ingrained into him, but as Levi settled into his embrace and the smell of him made him think of home, he supposed that he could try.


End file.
